An 8 year-old male student who has done very well in lessons for the last two and a half years is slowly losing interest and is telling his parents that he wants to quit.
Plan:
It seems that after two and a half years the boy may have not experienced a wide enough variety of music that kept him interested in playing piano. Or, maybe he just hates playing piano. So, you tie him down and offer him a death wish.
If he actually loves the piano, maybe then it’s important for him to broaden his horizons. For instance, he may have had too much exposure to Beethoven and not enough to Journey. Broadening horizons ensures that you will still have a job teaching this kid, even though he probably won’t practice half the time anyways. Life is good.
First month: Finish off work on the current textbook you are using and introduce him to a more challenging textbook, such as John Thompson’s course or something similarly challenging. After 2-3 weeks pass and you notice the boy still does not practice, begin to flog him with a whip or steel chain. This should be the best way to get him to play a natural minor scale.
Months 2-3: Introduce a beginning book in jazz to the child. Also show him how inject heroin without OD’ing, so as to really speak to the heart of the jazz music in front of him. You might also want to consider teaching him some simpler Classical Tunes as well, so that it serves as a front to his parents that you aren’t turning the boy into a sex slave that will play Count Basie for you as you rub Vaseline onto your belly.
Months 4-5: DO HIM. HARD.
Final lessons of six-month session: Take the boy to Disney World. Tell him that sometimes, mistakes happen in life, and he happens to be one of those mistakes. The child’s real mother and father are waiting atop the Hollywood Hotel on that Twilight Zone elevator ride, and if he were to wait in line for an hour or so and get on the ride, he’d be reunited with his true family. Wave goodbye ass the drugged-up youth skips into the Tower of Terror, and head over to the Animal Kingdom, telling yourself that you have the best job anyone could ask for.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Film Review: The Dark Knight
***I went to a midnight presentation of Christopher Nolan's The Dark Knight with more enthusiasm than I had probably publicly shown for a trip to the movies. It's always, always the second film of a superhero or adventure series that can possess the most pre-release buzz and often fulfill the expectations of its filmgoers (see Empire Strikes Back, Spider-Man 2), while the third film in the series finally shows signs of cooling and a lack of direction (see the third installments of respective series).
I can assure you, The Dark Knight packs enough energy and point/counterpoint to make you ponder the consequences of fighting injustice at any cost, but the film presents so many intense moments you won't have a chance to question anything until the credits are rolling, which is probably for the better.
The film opens with a debate still at hand as to whether Batman (Christian Bale, who spends much more time as the hooded hero than Bruce Wayne when compared to Batman Begins) truly means well for Gotham City. Lt. James Gordan (Gary Oldman) believes so, shining the Batlight regularly into the night sky and spooking would-be criminals. The notable exception, of course, is the newcomer Joker (Heath Ledger) who seemingly overtakes Gotham and its criminal network overnight through mayhem, paradox and gripping brutality.
Okay...so how was Heath? Quite frankly, he wasn't human. Many of you have probably read or listened to stories of the energy the late actor brought to the role. This energy isn't explosive or overblown, but quite often vocally restrained--key words in the script neatly pronounced throughout several of the Joker's soliloquies--while Ledger gestures deliberately and intuitively towards his audience. For instance, shortly after the character's introduction he twists a knife in the face of a soon-to-be victim as he carefully describes how he got so many scars on his face. Unlike a more "classic" rendition of the Joker, Ledger's portrayal treats situations of possible undoing as droll and ironic, rather than bombastic and hilarious.
The Joker has nothing to lose, but his outside-the-box way of inducing panic makes him the king of the criminal underworld. This was an interesting point to think about as I gave myself time to digest The Dark Knight: in Batman Begins, the League of Shadows were focused on implementing fear into Gotham City and attempted to carry out a painstakingly-accurate plan. By contrast, the Joker is a product of chaos; rather than trying to control every variable, he will allow the players and objects of the game come into play and at times turn them against one another. Ledger makes the Joker necessarily reckless in order to establish dominance over the scene--and believe me, the Joker is this film's most dominant character, even if he is one-dimensional.
Bruce Wayne probably ought to have been the most multi-layered character in this film, but because of the added presence of Batman in this film when compared with its predecessor, Bale is sometimes trapped under the winged hood and growls his lines constantly, even to characters who know Batman's real identity. There are attempts to put a human element inside the superhero--as well as a very deliberate attempt by the screenplay to disown him of that very title--but the inherent single-focused Batman we've come to know through comics, television and film still remains, and so the principal character of the series is overpowered by the other actors on film.
These actors fulfill their own one-dimensional roles quite well; Maggie Gyllenhaal replaces Katie Holmes as Rachel Dawes, and she gives the character a huge energetic boost that the latter actress unfortunately lacked. Dawes is romantically involved with District Attorney Harvey Dent (Aaron Eckhart), and talk about one-dimensional: here is a character so sworn to extinguishing Gotham's criminal syndicate we can all see his fall coming a good thirty minutes before it happens (comic book fans won't mind this, however). Michael Caine returns as Alfred to offer the occassional sage advice to Wayne, and Morgan Freeman portrays Lucious Fox developing new types of toys the Dark Knight can take to the streets with.
For a PG-13 rating, this is one violent film; lots of gunshot wounds, lots of playing with knives by the Joker. Ledger creates such an unsettling psychopath that one feels like the worst possible things will happen to his victims, like something out of a Saw flick. The Dark Knight should be hailed for questioning why we try to fight injustice so blindly, and perhaps even suggests that in the end there will always be evil and evil people out amongst us. But this message seats itself behind the satirical, violent, and sometimes hilarious realm of confusion Ledger's Joker sets for the audience.
I can assure you, The Dark Knight packs enough energy and point/counterpoint to make you ponder the consequences of fighting injustice at any cost, but the film presents so many intense moments you won't have a chance to question anything until the credits are rolling, which is probably for the better.
The film opens with a debate still at hand as to whether Batman (Christian Bale, who spends much more time as the hooded hero than Bruce Wayne when compared to Batman Begins) truly means well for Gotham City. Lt. James Gordan (Gary Oldman) believes so, shining the Batlight regularly into the night sky and spooking would-be criminals. The notable exception, of course, is the newcomer Joker (Heath Ledger) who seemingly overtakes Gotham and its criminal network overnight through mayhem, paradox and gripping brutality.
Okay...so how was Heath? Quite frankly, he wasn't human. Many of you have probably read or listened to stories of the energy the late actor brought to the role. This energy isn't explosive or overblown, but quite often vocally restrained--key words in the script neatly pronounced throughout several of the Joker's soliloquies--while Ledger gestures deliberately and intuitively towards his audience. For instance, shortly after the character's introduction he twists a knife in the face of a soon-to-be victim as he carefully describes how he got so many scars on his face. Unlike a more "classic" rendition of the Joker, Ledger's portrayal treats situations of possible undoing as droll and ironic, rather than bombastic and hilarious.
The Joker has nothing to lose, but his outside-the-box way of inducing panic makes him the king of the criminal underworld. This was an interesting point to think about as I gave myself time to digest The Dark Knight: in Batman Begins, the League of Shadows were focused on implementing fear into Gotham City and attempted to carry out a painstakingly-accurate plan. By contrast, the Joker is a product of chaos; rather than trying to control every variable, he will allow the players and objects of the game come into play and at times turn them against one another. Ledger makes the Joker necessarily reckless in order to establish dominance over the scene--and believe me, the Joker is this film's most dominant character, even if he is one-dimensional.
Bruce Wayne probably ought to have been the most multi-layered character in this film, but because of the added presence of Batman in this film when compared with its predecessor, Bale is sometimes trapped under the winged hood and growls his lines constantly, even to characters who know Batman's real identity. There are attempts to put a human element inside the superhero--as well as a very deliberate attempt by the screenplay to disown him of that very title--but the inherent single-focused Batman we've come to know through comics, television and film still remains, and so the principal character of the series is overpowered by the other actors on film.
These actors fulfill their own one-dimensional roles quite well; Maggie Gyllenhaal replaces Katie Holmes as Rachel Dawes, and she gives the character a huge energetic boost that the latter actress unfortunately lacked. Dawes is romantically involved with District Attorney Harvey Dent (Aaron Eckhart), and talk about one-dimensional: here is a character so sworn to extinguishing Gotham's criminal syndicate we can all see his fall coming a good thirty minutes before it happens (comic book fans won't mind this, however). Michael Caine returns as Alfred to offer the occassional sage advice to Wayne, and Morgan Freeman portrays Lucious Fox developing new types of toys the Dark Knight can take to the streets with.
For a PG-13 rating, this is one violent film; lots of gunshot wounds, lots of playing with knives by the Joker. Ledger creates such an unsettling psychopath that one feels like the worst possible things will happen to his victims, like something out of a Saw flick. The Dark Knight should be hailed for questioning why we try to fight injustice so blindly, and perhaps even suggests that in the end there will always be evil and evil people out amongst us. But this message seats itself behind the satirical, violent, and sometimes hilarious realm of confusion Ledger's Joker sets for the audience.
Face it: you’re going to see The Dark Knight to see the Joker. And you’ll like it. ***1/2 out of ****
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