Project 1: Developing students with specific learning problems

An 8 year-old male student who has done very well in lessons for the last two and a half years is slowly losing interest and is telling his parents that he wants to quit.

Plan:

It seems that after two and a half years the boy may have not experienced a wide enough variety of music that kept him interested in playing piano. Or, maybe he just hates playing piano. So, you tie him down and offer him a death wish.

If he actually loves the piano, maybe then it’s important for him to broaden his horizons. For instance, he may have had too much exposure to Beethoven and not enough to Journey. Broadening horizons ensures that you will still have a job teaching this kid, even though he probably won’t practice half the time anyways. Life is good.

First month: Finish off work on the current textbook you are using and introduce him to a more challenging textbook, such as John Thompson’s course or something similarly challenging. After 2-3 weeks pass and you notice the boy still does not practice, begin to flog him with a whip or steel chain. This should be the best way to get him to play a natural minor scale.

Months 2-3: Introduce a beginning book in jazz to the child. Also show him how inject heroin without OD’ing, so as to really speak to the heart of the jazz music in front of him. You might also want to consider teaching him some simpler Classical Tunes as well, so that it serves as a front to his parents that you aren’t turning the boy into a sex slave that will play Count Basie for you as you rub Vaseline onto your belly.

Months 4-5: DO HIM. HARD.

Final lessons of six-month session: Take the boy to Disney World. Tell him that sometimes, mistakes happen in life, and he happens to be one of those mistakes. The child’s real mother and father are waiting atop the Hollywood Hotel on that Twilight Zone elevator ride, and if he were to wait in line for an hour or so and get on the ride, he’d be reunited with his true family. Wave goodbye ass the drugged-up youth skips into the Tower of Terror, and head over to the Animal Kingdom, telling yourself that you have the best job anyone could ask for.